The Joshua Kemble Holotapes: Bundle 02
by famoushippopotamus
Summary: A series of found recordings from a man struggling to survive in the Commonwealth. Not your typical story.


*This is a collection of first-person writings from the point-of-view of the protagonist of Fallout 4 (albeit with a different backstory) during my real-life playthrough on Survival Mode. I'll add to these as I go, I guess.*

* 0011 11/01/87 - 11/02/87|18:02

* 0012 11/03/87 - 11/04/87|15:22

* 0013 11/05/87|19:56

* 0014 11/06/87|22:15

* 0015 11/07/87|16:04

* 0016 11/08/87|20:31

* 0017 11/09/87|02:30

* 0018 11/09/87|18:22

* 0019 11/10/87|17:02

* 0020 11/11/87|23:18

* 0021 11/12/87|19:12

 **0011**

Today I told the Old Man I wanted to strengthen the walls. We talked for awhile and he drew up some plans. After lunch we hitched up Clarabell, the mutant cow, and dragged the sled back to Sanctuary Hills for supplies. All day long I was walking slow back and forth behind this goddamn ugly cow, and God help me, I think I'm gettin used to the fuckin stink.

So we built. Couple more turrets. Another tower. The Old Man and I talked about how there had to be others out there. Others who weren't trying to rape, kill and eat us. There's a TV satellite dish on one of the houses in Sanctuary Hills. We grabbed it and spent half the day trying to get it to broadcast a signal. Got a small gas generator running the thing, and we finally got it to work, but the range isn't very far. I'm worried that it won't just be normal fuckin people picking up the transmission, so I showed the Ballbuster how to shoot. She's good.

...

Christ, what a day. I think I threw my back out and I woke up feeling like crap. I think I might have a cold or something. I ache all over and I just feel really shitty. Weak and tired. The Battleaxe kept bringing me bowls of tato soup. I didn't have the heart to tell her it tasted like boiled ass, and when she left I let Meat lick the bowl clean, hahaha - ow, fuck!

Guess I'm resting for now. I'll talk to you later.

 **0012**

I'm still in bed. The Ballbuster came flying up the stairs earlier and told me our broadcast was picked up by a couple travelling nearby and they're downstairs right now! Can ya believe it? The Old Man is interviewing them. Making sure they aren't cannibals or jet-heads (learned that term from the Battleaxe). This old leaky barn is going to be kinda crowded now, ya know? Guess as soon as I'm back on my feet we'll have to build an annex so this couple has somewhere private to sleep. Last thing I need right now is hearing two people get it on.

Don't know if I was dreaming or what, but I heard a woman's voice earlier. Reciting poetry I think. You believe that shit? Poetry in the fuckin wasteland. But I remembered every word.

Don't you fuckin laugh at me, alright?

 _There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground,_

 _And swallows circling with their shimmering sound;_

 _And frogs in the pools, singing at night,_

 _And wild plum trees in tremulous white,_

 _Robins will wear their feathery fire,_

 _Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;_

 _And not one will know of the war, not one_

 _Will care at last when it is done._

 _Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,_

 _If mankind perished utterly;_

 _And Spring herself, when she woke at dawn,_

 _Would scarcely know that we were gone._

Really made me think, ya know?

...

After lunch I started to feel better. I think maybe the witch's potion the Battleaxe whipped up for me actually did the trick. If she wasn't such a wishy-washy bitch, I'd kiss her. Only got 3 magazines to read and I've read them ten times. One more day in this bed and I'd lose my goddamn mind.

I did some work on the annex. I got tired out pretty quickly, but the new guy (Jake) and his missus (Shelley) helped out. They seem like good people and the Old Man says they check out. Got a few beds together too, and Jake had some really shitty looking ears of corn that the Old Man says we can plant after the next rain. Got gourds in the ground too. But it won't be enough. The shitty soil barely puts out anything, and we are going to need more food.

Tomorrow I go hunting. If'n I've got my strength back that is. Break's over. Talk soon.

Oh. One more thing. Some drifter named Gary or something came by. Had a dog he wanted to sell. Asked me some pretty hard questions and wanted to know if I was gonna eat the fuckin dog! I told him to fuck off and was about to close the door in his face, but there was something about the look in his eye. He really loved the damn thing. I told him to come inside. Jake patted him down for weapons, and took his pistol. I don't blame the guy for being armed. You'd be stupid not to be, but we can't let some stranger in packing that kind of heat.

We had some lunch and talked. In the end, he sold me the dog. A mutt bitch, so I'm hoping Meat can get his freak on and we'll have a bunch of puppies soon. Could train them up to be watch dogs, or maybe Gary will come by again and I can sell _him_ a dog. Ha!

Anyway. Back to it.

 **0013**

Was feeling better today, so I whistled for Meat and we headed into the hills above Vault 111 to see if we could take some of the mutant deer I'd seen grazing on the hills. A quiet day, right?

Bull-fuckin-shit it was. I mean, Jesus, how do I keep getting myself into these messes?

A beautiful crisp Autumn day. Perfect, right? The sky is blue, the wind is low, and the trees are really beautiful in that way that only dead and dying things can be. There I go with the fuckin poetry again. Anyway. Found a couple of abandoned places - a shack and a hilltop camp. Grabbed some supplies from them and was heading south over the old logging road, when Meat starts growling low in his throat. I've come to trust that goddamn sound, so I climb up on some rocks, get out the rifle I managed to bolt a scope onto and start scanning the area.

 _Out of the goddamn ground_ comes another pack of those goddamn mutant moles. Like 6 of the ugly bastards! Meat went nuts. He loves killing these things, but there were too many. I helped him out, clever bastard that I am, and I swear to God he fuckin smiled at me when it was all over. I let him eat his fill of one, but had to shoo him away from the others. The farm needs this meat, and whatever else I can bag today, fingers fuckin crossed.

So we're in these rocks near this big, whaddyacallit, *transmission tower*, thats the word, and I see two lovely mutant deer grazing. Two-headed and weird as fuck looking, but the Old Man says they are good eating, and what the fuck do I know from hunting? I got the shot lined up and then I hear Meat. That low growl. Jesus, _now what_?

The deer run off and I'm looking around when this big ugly piece of garbage walks right into my scope.

Goddamn _raider_. And he wasn't alone. There were 4 of the bastards. I see their campfire too. Couple of dead bodies strung up near it. Cannibals. I mean, _Jesus_ , I hope I'm never that hungry.

So I'm thinking, no way am I gonna take on 4 psychos, not by myself, when Meat takes off like a shot. FUCK!

Then I hear him fighting with something. I crawl to the edge of the rocks and he's tangled up with some mutant dog - big fucker too, with a chain collar around its neck. _Shit_. This thing probably belongs to the raiders, and sure enough - they start looking my way.

Nothing for it, now.

First guy goes down like the sack of shit that he is - headshot. Damn, I'm getting good.

The second and third, not so easy. I throw away a few clips, but I've leg-shot them both, and they ain't going nowhere, bellowing like hell, though. I'm trying to find the fourth guy, and I'm starting to panic, because I don't see shit.

Then I hear a scrape on the rocks behind me, I turn my head, and he's _right fuckin there_ , a machete in his hand and its swinging for my head. I rolled off the goddamn cliff and I think I broke something, and I'm lying there, dazed, when Meat comes out of nowhere, breath smelling like blood, and gives me a sloppy lick. Fuckin. Disgusting. Then he takes off again and I'm trying to call him back, when I hear the raider yelling like someone's got his balls.

Someone did.

I ended it with two shots to the head. A few more put the leg-shot scumbags outta their misery.

My leg hurts like hell and I think my knee is either broken or severely fucked. I can't walk on it anymore, and its swelling bad. The Old Man insisted I take a stim with me. Some who-the-fuck-knows concoction that he said would keep me going when I couldn't anymore. Guess now was the time to find out. Good thing too because the next thing I know, 4 fucking mutant dogs crest the ridge and are staring down at me.

Yeah, ok, I pissed myself. So what? They had dead fuckin eyes. Skin all scabby and sore looking. Big goddamn teeth. And they charge. All of them.

Rebecca. Remember her? She blows two of their heads off and then they are on me. Bad breath, ripping teeth and strong as fuck. I figure this is it, I'm dead. Meat, my sweet dog, Meat, saves my ass, _again_. I've never seen a dog flip out like that. Like I was his child or something. He didn't just kill them. _He ripped them into pieces_. It was fuckin horrible.

So I've got like 6 dead bodies around me, a broken knee, and more raw food than I can carry. Oh, and get this. The sun went down about an h-

 **0014**

So apparently I didn't die. I woke up in bed. The Old Man and the new settler, Jake, somehow found me out there. Guess it was a good thing I mentioned where I was going before the hunt. My knee is just sprained, not broken, so I get to spend _another_ goddamn day in bed. I swear to Christ I could never handle being an invalid. I would fucking off myself, seriously.

Nothing else to report today. Talk later.

 **0015**

Had a long day. The knee was ok. The Battleaxe spread some goop she mixed up and slathered it on my knee. Jesus it hurt like hell. Burning hot and it stunk worse than their mutant cow. Made my goddamn eyes water. But it did the trick and I'm up and about again.

I know what you are thinking. Same thing I've been thinking.

Why the hell haven't I gone looking for my boy?

Here's the thing. _He could be anywhere_. So I'm looking. Everywhere. I can't take the chance of passing up even one rotten shack. I _have_ been looking. Its just goddamn slow.

Today I wanted to explore the road that the Diner sits on. Everyday I push out little further. Every day I get a little stronger and I build up my map a bit further. The Ballbreaker gave me some paper she stashed away and I had the foresight of grabbing some pencils on my way out of Sanctuary Hills. So I've been drawing a map. Its crude as shit, but its better than nothing.

Dogmeat is feeling a bit under the weather today. Throwing up and shit. Probably because of all those raw mole guts he's been eating. Seriously disgusting. Liquid baby shit practically fallin outta his ass. I never knew shit could be that color. Man.

Anyways, I headed out.

Shot a mutant deer in the Eastern fields below the farm, and I called up to the farm for someone to come and get the damn thing. At least there will be a hot meal waiting for me when I get back.

If I get back. I think about that shit a lot, ya know? I mean, what happens to Shaun if I don't make it? Let's be honest, here.

I mean. _sigh_

Like. He could already be, ya know. _Gone_. I don't think about that shit much. I _try_ not to anyway. But I still do. He's _my boy_ , ya know? Still looked like an old man when last I saw him. Not the cutest kid, I admit. But he's mine. And I love him. And I will goddamn find him. _I will_.

Jesus. Rambling again. Yeah I had a few drinks. I know I shouldn't when I go out, but. Some days I just need it.

So I get down onto that road. The one that runs past the diner. I see this concrete building to my right. Looked quiet. I knew not to believe that shit, so I hunkered down in some bushes and waited. Sure enough, some kinda, I dunno, fuckin flying robot or some shit, comes outta the door! Like a ball or something. Wires and antenna and shit all over it. Its just flying around, aimlessly. I have no idea what it is or if its got lasers or some bullshit so I wasn't gonna take any chances. I find a fat rock, plant my ass behind it and line up the shot.

Goddamn thing _exploded_ practically. Lucky for me, I guess. Don't need no lasers up my ass. Not today. I creep up and its got some stuff I can use. A circuit board that isn't fried, and some wires and shit. Inside the place is nothing. I mean, not nothing, but just this control panel thing that's dead to the world, probably hasn't worked in 200 years and next to it is this cage. Floor to ceiling. Fuckin _skeleton_ inside, with some crates and shit. Gate is locked up tight. I know how to pick a lock, but this thing wasn't budging. Some kinda computer thing on the wall next to it. I don't know shit about computers. Never liked em. Still, I had a look. Damn thing still had power and its got this whole screen of gibberish on it. Some words, and this blinking square thing at the bottom. No fuckin way I'm touching this thing, so I take off.

Coupla hundred yards away is this dilapidated green house. No windows. Door wide open. I figure maybe might be worth taking a look. So I watch for awhile, like I always do. Nothin. The quiet gets to me after awhile, so I run up to it, real low, and peek in the window.

What do I see? Some goddamn drunk passed out on the couch. Wine bottle next to him on the floor. Sleeping sitting up, and Jesus I could smell the b.o. from here. I mean, I'm no rose, but this guy stunk like he rolled in shit. Dunno how people can live like that. At least rinse the dirt off or somethin, ya know?

I'm thinking I can still take a look inside, and this guy ain't gonna say squat, and even if he does, what's he gonna do? Didn't see no gun on him. That was weird. Made me think for a minute. Maybe he knows something I don't. So I wait. I watch him sleep. About an hour later he opens his eyes, rattles off this fart like a machine gun and starts mumbling to himself.

Then I see him reach into his coat pocket and pull out this thing, looks like one of them, whaddyacallit - asthma inhalers, but its got some other thing like attached to it. Dude puts it in his mouth, presses the trigger thing and sucks in his breath real deep. His eyes roll up, his head starts to sag and the dude starts fuckin drooling on himself.

Fuckin junkies, man. They never change. This guy ain't gonna do dick. So I get up and I go inside. Dude is out like a light. I find some food, coupla lamps I can strip the wire out of, and a carton of cigarettes. Grey Tortoise. You believe that shit? 200 fuckin years go by and they still have my brand. I stuff that into my bag and I'm making my way outside when the dude musta woke up and heard me, cause he says, "Heymanyoulookinforsomechems?"

Kinda took me off guard and I spun around and almost fuckin shot him. I said, "What?". Dude goes, "Youwantsomechemsman?"

I said, "Nah. You look like you need em more than me.", and I take off. Not even worth shooting, this guy.

I searched the valley running up to that cabin where Meat almost died, and I find a campsite, some tools, a few other bits and pieces and I shove all that into my ruck and start heading home. Its getting late in the afternoon, and I won't be out after dark if I can help it.

When I get back, Meat looks like he's over his stomach (and ass) problems and nearly knocked me over giving me licks and shit. He and that new dog (I decided to call her Potatoes. Get it? Meat and Potatoes?) then starting chasing each other and the Battleaxe starts laughing, saying they are really getting along. Says maybe Meat could teach me a thing or two about women. I said something rude under my breath and went to get some dinner. Dumb broad. I don't *want* no goddamn woman, ok? I'm still in love with the one that I watched die.

Fuck!

I skipped dinner and decided to drink my meal instead. Its quiet up on the roof and I can hear the family and the new folks all chattering away.

People.

Who fuckin needs em.

 **0016**

Woke up with a bad headache, but I ain't staying in bed again, so before the sun is even up, I whistled for Meat and we went South over the ridge towards the lake, past where I met that one Trader and her hardcase guards.

Didn't see much except for some weird green mushrooms, glowing like one of those plastic sticks you sometimes got at concerts back in the day. I picked em anyway. The Battleaxe can make anything out of anything. I swear that woman is some kind of evil chef, and who knows? Glowing mushroom soup might be good.

We crest this hill, up onto some rocks, and I look down and see this big ass bridge going across the water. The Old Man said this was called Walden Pond but it looked like a lake to me. Anyway. Bunch of rusted out cars and on the far end some kind of makeshift barrier kinda blocking off the road. That didn't seem right, so I got out my rifle and scoped it out.

Just like I thought. Coupla raider motherfuckers hanging out at the barrier. What the fuck were they doing? Charging a toll or some shit?

Like I said, I had a bad fuckin headache, and I was still pissed at the Battleaxe for that crack yesterday, and that's the only excuse for what I did next.

I took a couple of potshots at them. Didn't hit shit, but that got their damn attention and they start running across the bridge. Dumb ass me forgot to keep my head down and I hear gunshots and ricochets are bouncing off the rocks all around me. Goddamn it, I hate that shit! I start to haul ass, gotta find a better place to hide, and I dunno if I'm just slow, or the hangover is slowing me down, but I hear one of them yelling at me, I dunno what, but it didn't sound friendly.

I got one chance.

I gotta get back to the farm, let those turrets do their job. I turn and let off a couple of wild shots, just to keep them interested, and just like I planned, they follow. Meat is right beside me, tongue hanging out, having the time of his life running from druggie psycho cannibals. If I ever get reincarnated, I'm gonna be a German Shepherd that still has his balls. What a life, am I right?

I'm running up across the fields, yelling like a sonofabitch to start up the turrets and grab some guns, and a bullet goes right past my ear. I mean *right fuckin past it*. Felt like I was doused in ice water, that's how goddamn scared I was. If I couldn't get behind that wall in the next 5 seconds, I was gonna get shot in the back or the head and that's all she wrote. No more Shaun. No more nothin.

But I tell you what. Those turrets, and this family and those new people?

They were born to it.

All of a sudden the sounds of those beautiful machines opens up and its suddenly raining bullets. Me and Meat get inside, bar the door, and get up on the wall.

Raiders didn't know what hit them. It was all over in 2 minutes.

Here's the weird part though. When I went down into the fields to search the bodies, they were g-

 **0017**

 _sound of cigarette being lit_

 _heavy sigh_

Man. The day I've had. For the first time since I left the Vault I didn't think I was going to make it home.

I wanted to go exploring a bit. Trouble is that I left before the sun was up and I was drinking again.

Been having nightmares about Donna again. I keep seeing her right before she is killed and hearing her voice calling out to me for help. I mean...

 _sounds of crying_

 _What could I do?_ I was trapped. Those fucking _bastards_. Those goddamn _motherfuckers_!

I need...I need a minute.

...

 _sound of throat clearing_

Ok. I'm ok. Where was I? Oh yeah. Exploring. I wanted to explore the roads East of Concord. So I set out with Meat in the early morning. Was still dark. No problems getting around the town. I was up on the bluff above the town, where a few mansions are sitting, all boarded up. Found a dead guy in the back of one house, just chilling on the porch. Very strange.

I moved through the forest with little trouble, but then I got turned around. At the top of a large bluff I found a skeleton next to some big piece of machinery. Looked like it opened, but I'll be damned if I could open it. Just a ways East were the shells of some burned-out houses. Found some stuff jammed inside a chimney. People hide stuff in the strangest places. The sun came up and I could see down through the forest, and I realized I had wandered way too far North.

So I drop back down onto the road and keep heading East. Came across some train tracks and under some elevated highway. I scoped the shit out of that. Raiders like to hide up high I've found, but I didn't see anyone and no one shot at me for fuckin once.

Meat started barking and took off. I'm thinking, "Shit, now what?" and as I come up over the hill I see a huge cemetary in this valley. Creepy ass crypts ringing the heights and Meat is digging at some grave. I mean, _Jesus_ , I know he's a dog, but have some damn _respect_ , ya know?

I don't like the look of this place at all.

Of course, right then it started raining and the fog rolls in. I laughed out loud. It was just too fuckin perfect, right?

Meat finished whatever the hell he was doing and comes back to me, and I see he's got a goddamn _bone_. A human bone. Fuck me, I almost got sick.

We wait for an hour. Nothing moves. Just us and the fog and the rain. Across the way I can sort of make out a chapel or something, and I figure it might be best to get out of the rain. Can't stay outside too long. Makes my skin itch.

So we go inside and I'm poking around when I hear Meat cry out in pain. "What the fuck?", I'm thinking, and I take out Rebecca, load two shells and creep up to the doorway. Fucking raider bitch is _kicking my damn dog_. I blew the bitch away. Meat's limping and I'm ready to get medieval on this whore's corpse. Who kicks a dog? _Assholes_!

The rain has cleared up and its afternoon, so I figure its time to head back. Didn't find shit anyway, except a whole bunch of those glowing mushrooms, which I gathered up.

So we head back the exact same way we came. Get past the freeway and up into the scrub when Meat starts growling. I'm looking everywhere but I don't see shit. His hackles are up and his teeth are bared. I back right the _fuck_ up. Suddenly out of the scrub comes the biggest, ugliest mutant fly I've ever seen. I throw a few shots from Rebecca into it and it doesn't even slow it down.

I'm gone. Running. I look back to see where Meat is and the fly is still following us _and_ a giant mutant dog joins the chase. _What. The. Actual. Fuck._ I holler for Meat and increase my speed. I'm even thinking of dropping Rebecca just to gain some speed. Meat is right next to me, tongue hanging out and he takes off ahead of me. _Thanks a lot!_

I'm crashing through brush and snapping small trees and running for my goddamn life. I check behind me and I don't see the mutant dog but that goddamn fly is still on my trail. I stop and blow off a few more shots. _Nothing_. What the hell is this thing made of anyway?

I don't know how long we were running. Felt like an hour. Somehow, and I have no idea how, we lose the fly. Thank Christ. But there's a big problem.

 _I have no goddamn idea where I am._

No landmarks look familiar. I don't recognize the terrain. I figure I've got maybe 2 hours before the sun goes down. I'm thinking that I'm in real trouble here. Real fuckin trouble. I know the farm is West, and that's all I have to go on, so I start walking towards the sun. I'm in thick forest and on a South-facing ridge line. To my left, through the trees and way below me, I can see the sparkle of sunlight off a large body of water. The only real water I've seen so far is that pond and this is way bigger.

 _I'm fucking lost_. Then the panic hits. Like ice water and I start sweating and my stomach starts to churn. I feel like I need to take a shit and I barely get my pants down before I shotgun a brown blast out of my ass. Gross, I know. Sorry.

I wipe my ass with some leaves and get my pants hitched up and my stomach is still feeling like crap. I'm thinking, "Fuck, what am I gonna do?"

I walk West for hours. The sun sets and I still have no idea where I am. I hear gunshots in the distance and really weird noises in the woods. Anything could ambush me up here and the panic is starting to spiral. In maybe 20 minutes it will be too dark to see anything. I don't even see a place to hole up for the night. I gotta keep walking.

Soon I'm walking blind. I know this Pip-Boy has a flashlight on it, but I don't dare fuckin use it. That's like a neon sign to anyone out there saying, "Come kill me".

I got no choice. I gotta just hunker down and wait for dawn. I at least find some rocks I can hunker down in.

Longest goddamn night of my life. Meat kept me warm and I didn't sleep for one single second. Finally the sun came up and I'm freezing. I ate a little and shared some food with Meat and we split a bottle of dirty water. I keep heading West.

Another hour, maybe two, and I see some houses to the South. I think maybe its Sanctuary Hills. _Thank God_. I start heading down towards the neighborhood when I hear voices. I think, "This cannot be happening."

But it was. More raiders. Fuckers are _everywhere_. This is a group of 3. Moving East, opposite of me, and halfway down the ridge, but between me and Sanctuary Hills. I'm not risking a fight, not when I'm so tired I can barely see straight and my hands are shaking from the cold. I lie flat and get Meat beside me. Somehow he knows what's up and doesn't make a peep. The grass is wet and I'm shivering like crazy. I felt myself willing them to move faster, and I think I was whispering, "Come on, _come on_."

Luck was with me, and I haul my ass back to the farm, and when the Old Man saw me he dropped his hoe and came _running_ over to me. Got me some food and a hot drink and a blanket, bless his wrinkled heart. That map I drew? Fuckin _worthless_. I've got to find a better way to keep track of where I am.

This tape is about to run out and I don't have any more holotapes left. Not sure when I'll be able to talk again.

 **0018**

Had a shitty night's sleep. More nightmares. Donna just keeps haunting me. Damn I miss her so much. Had a big fight with the Battleaxe too. She found my stash of bourbon. Uptight bitch. Anyway.

We are running out of food. Why? Because we had a group of 8 more goddamn people show up. I told the Old Man to shut the beacon down. Spent the day building beds and trying to get to know everyone. What a goddamn nightmare. So I grabbed Meat and we went hunting north of the gas station. Bagged a mutant deer and a dog. Can't believe I'm eating _dog_ for fuck's sake. Didn't see anything for a few hours, so I went back and checked the woods north of the farm. Ran across another pack of mutant dogs - three of them. One of them almost took my head off, but Meat and I survived. Took me a while to dress out the carcasses and haul the meat back. At least there is food for all of us now, but clearly we need to farm more, and build some more turrets. A settlement of this size is sure to attract unwanted attention.

I went back to that Ranger's cabin and found a stash of whiskey under one of the beds. I wasn't looking for booze, ok? But I did take the bottles. Spent most of the afternoon drunk as a fish. Meat was playing in the yard. He's such a nut. Funny damn dog. Pretty fuckin sad that some mutt is my best friend, but there you go.

Dinner's ready. Talk later.

 **0019**

Today I decided to return to the Satellite Array where I found Mary's locket. There was a lot of supplies that I wasn't able to take the first time, and a few locked doors that I wanted to see if I could get open.

No problems on the journey. Didn't see anything. Was raining and really quiet. Kinda spooky, actually. Just me, and Meat, and the rain. Really peaceful, actually.

Once I was inside, I was able to find a stash of ammo for my guns, including some shells for Rebecca. Only had 3 left, so that was a fuckin lucky find. Was a computer terminal that I couldn't figure out how to operate, and I'm pretty sure it controlled this locked door. I could see a ton of stuff through the window, and I was dying to get inside.

Downstairs that goddamn helicopter cannon was sitting where I left it. I still didn't take it. No ammo for the thing, and no way I was going to hump that thing through the rain back to the farm, and even if I did, who the hell would buy it? It must weigh fifty pounds.

Managed to get these twin doors in the basement open. The lock was pathetic, and I _am_ getting better at it. Bunch of barrels and junk inside. Was about to leave, when Meat lets out this yelp and I look and he's goddamn surrounded by giant roaches. Got a cold chill up my fucking spine. Goddamn I _hate_ those things. Managed to kill them all, but Meat was bitten a few times, and he's in bad shape. I held him in my arms and nearly cried. I gotta carry him home, but when I was sitting there, I noticed a tape sitting on this bench. Wondered if maybe that computer upstairs could read it, so I carried Meat up there and made a bed for him while I tried to read this tape. It worked! Turned out to be a password, and I got that locked door open. There was a ton of ammo and good stuff inside. Even this huge bullet thing. If I didn't know better, I'd say it was a tiny nuclear bomb, but that's crazy. Who would build something like that? It was way too heavy anyway, so I left it. Loaded up the ruck and carried Meat back to the farm. Such a brave dog. He didn't whimper or whine even once. Just kept looking at me with those big brown eyes and licking my face. I think he loves me as much as I love him.

Shut the fuck up, ok? Ain't nothin wrong with that.

One of the new settlers used to be a vet, and she took a look at him. Said the bites were deep and might get infected, so I couldn't take him out for awhile. I gave her a handful of caps and told her to do whatever it takes to make him well.

If he dies, I swear I'll lose my damn mind.

Where'd I put that bottle?

 **0020**

Meat is still on the mend, and my feet are itchy, so I grabbed my guns and headed out. I want to see what's on the other side of that lake...pond thing. It was still raining and really quiet. Perfect for my state of mind. Had another nightmare about Donna again. This time we were on our first date, at the movies, and as I leaned in for our first kiss she kind of...she kind of...rotted, I guess. Into a corpse right in front of me. I think I must have yelled out, cause everyone gave me these really weird looks when I went down for breakfast.

Fuck em. My nightmares are my own. My ghosts. Not theirs.

Anyway.

Took awhile to get around the pond. Damn thing is big and the hills are really steep. I didn't want to get to close to the water. I hate the water. Always have. Not sure why, but ever since I was a boy I was afraid of it. I never learned to swim, so that's probably a big part of it.

So about halfway around I see these buildings and shit across from me. The rain was still coming down pretty hard and I was slipping all over the fucking place, but I managed to claw my way up and as I'm lying there, trying to catch my breath, I hear this really weird voice. Like a robot or some shit, but it keeps saying the same thing. Something like, "Wow, groovy!" over and over again. I'm thinking, "What the fuck?" and then I see it. It was a Mr. Handy model, like my old one, Codsworth, and its just floating around, aimlessly, repeating that line over and over. Must be bugged out or something.

I started to stand up, and was going to go over to it, when I see not one, but two Ghouls. _Shit_. Damn things were fast and unpredictable. One of the buildings had a generator or something out the back, right up against the wall. I'm figuring, I climb up there, and get out that scoped rifle and have a party. Easily done and I'm lying on my belly and I can see not just two ghouls, but about six or seven of them. Whole goddamn place was lousy with them.

I'm really hesitant to start shooting, because I haven't scouted the area, and who the fuck knows what else is out there. Gunshots would just draw them to me like flies on shit. The Mr. Handy isn't paying any attention to them, and they are ignoring it as well.

Its a big place. Besides the building I'm lying on, there were six other buildings. Sort of set in a circle around this garden plot that's gone to weeds and seed. I check the sun. I've got maybe two hours before dark. I figure I'll head back, and maybe get an early start and come back in the morning, scout the surrounds, and if all is quiet, then I can clean out these rotting fuckers and see what kind of supplies this place has. I scootch around and duck-walk over to where I climbed up and there's a goddamn ghoul right below me.

 _Goddamn fuckin shit!_

My mind is racing. I don't have any weapons on me that aren't guns. _Stupid, stupid man_. I'm thinking, "What am I gonna do _now_?" I haven't had a drink for a few hours and I'm staring to get the shakes. So I have a few. And then a few more. And the next thing I know the moon is up. Now I'm stuck here. I'm drunk and I'm worried that if I fall asleep I'm going to roll of the goddamn roof and break my damn neck.

But then I realize. Its dark. I can see from the moon, and if anything else _is_ out there, they probably won't come looking for me at night. Time to rock and roll. The ghoul who's blocking my path gets his head blown off. I laughed. I probably should have taken the opportunity to leave right then and there, but the whiskey and the bloodlust have got my heart racing and I'm having too much fun to quit now.

 _BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!...BLAM!_

"TAKE THAT YOU ROTTEN FUCKS!" _BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAMBLAMBLAM!_ "WOOOOOOOOOOOO! YEAH!"

What the...fuck? What...what _is_ that? A ghoul, I _think_ , but...

but its goddamn _glowing_ green. What the hell?

 _BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAMBLAMBLAM!_

Jesus. Ok. Ok. I think...I think he's down. Oh shit! _BLAM! BLAMBLAM! BLAM!_

Ok. That did it. What the _hell_ was that thing? Christ I need a drink.

 **0021**

Jesus my head hurts and my mouth tastes like I Frenched an ashtray. Don't know how I didn't roll off the roof last night. Drunk as a pig and twice as stupid. But I don't see anymore ghouls. I waited like an hour, and I didn't hear or see shit. I managed to get down off the roof without breaking a leg or my neck.

This place is huge. I see someone has painted "Sunshine Co-Op" on the side of one of the long buildings. No fuckin clue what a "co-op" is, but whatever it was, its long deserted now. Maybe the ghouls were the sad bastards who lived here.

Found a lot of good stuff. Food, chems, ammo and yes! Some bottles of vodka! What's that old joke? "Too much wodka makes you womit?" Heh. Yeah. Not much call for jokes these days. Even less for bad ones.

I found a computer terminal that I could actually operate. Turns out this place was some kind of hippie commune, and the Mr. Handy that is stuck in a programming loop they named "Dr. Goodfeels". _Hippies_. Seriously. There was an interface for the robot and some alternate personality programs. I switched the "Woah, groovy" one to a maintenence program. Thank fuck it worked and the robot is silent now. Its actually clearing out the ghoul bodies! Fertilizer for the dead farm maybe?

I load up my ruck and head back. Its bulging and I can't wait to see how Meat is doing. As I'm getting ready to leave, I notice that the bridge where I got chased away from by those raiders the other day is just below me. So that's where it goes. To here. Well that's damn handy. I head back that way instead of trying to navigate the pond cliffs in my less-than-sober state. No raiders, but I did see one of those mutant scorpions way down in the valley below me. _Fuck that_. I hurried on my way.

I'm climbing up the last bit of hill through the woods when I hear the turrets chugging and automatic gunfire. Then the klaxon that I insisted the Old Man build starts wailing.

 _The settlement is under attack_! I race up the hill and burrow through some thorn brakes and I see five goddamn raiders assaulting the wall on the North and East. _Motherfuckers_. One of the turrets is already destroyed and the one of the raiders is trying to put his boot through the East door. The settlers are all up the wall, firing pipe pistols and any other damn thing they have but they are terrible shots and two of them get picked off. I gotta do something. Fast.

I have two grenades in my ruck. Found em at that co-op. Why hippies had explosives, I don't know, and at this point, I don't care. Two of the raiders are clumped together. I pull the pin and lob it. Man. I should have been a grenadier. Perfect shot. BOOM! And their friends finally notice me. I rabbit and start racing through the brush to the North, if I can just get to the corner where the wall turns, Rebecca and I will have a nice surprise waiting for them.

Miracle of miracles I make it. This raider dude comes around the corner and I blow his damn head off - both barrels. Goddamn it was disgusting. His head literally exploded. I got brain soup all over me. My stomach flipped over and then I hear Meat, inside the walls, and he's losing his shit. That must mean the raiders are inside. Adreneline dumps into my system and I feel myself going cold all over.

 _Hang on buddy, I'm coming_

The turrets must have taken out another one, because the East field is empty when I round the corner. Sure enough, the door is off its hinges and there is gunfire from inside. I run like I've never run before and as I shoulder my way through the entrance, I see Meat, and he's got the last raider by the goddamn _throat_ and shaking her like he would a rabbit. I let my breath out, and walk over calmly and put two in the bitch's head.

Meat practically leaps into my arms. I'm crying and saying "Good dog, good fuckin dog" over and over, when the Old Man taps me on the shoulder. He says, "We lost Jake today. And two of the newcomers. They came up on us so damn fast, we didn't have a chance to turn the turrets on until they were practically at the wall."

I don't say anything. I set Meat down and inspect the damage. Its not good. Two turrets down. Some crops destroyed. Front door is blasted to shit and eight corpses.

We carry out the raiders and dump them in the lower field. Maybe some mutant dogs will find them.

We bury the newcomers and Jake out the back. Next to Mary's grave. The skies are grey and drizzling and the Old Man says a few lines from his Bible.

Jesus I need a drink.

*end of recording*


End file.
